A Beginner’s Guide to Guessing Ages of Asian Women

My mom has a REALLY difficult time guessing how old Asian women are. It doesn’t make a difference what nationality they are from, she just has a tough time guessing. I usually have to tell her how old a woman is, and I’d like to think I’m usually within five years (erring on the side of younger for safety sake). I hope no one takes offense in this, because it is all light-hearted humor. I believe Asian women are exceptionally beautiful. But, if you are offended (and are in your 20s or 30s) I want you to look deep, deep into your Seoul soul and ask if you have aged at all in the last 5 years. You and I both know the answer is “no;” you are looking young and hot, so the stereotype shouldn’t bother you. Anyway, the following is a post intended for my mom, but you can feel free to voyeuristically indulge yourself:

Dear Mom,

I know that it can often times be difficult to gauge the age of women from Asian countries, but there are a couple tricks I can teach you that may help. Generally the best way to make an accurate assessment is through hair style. If a girls hair is cut short (shoulder length) then it is fairly acceptable to assume that they are teenagers to early 20s. Most schools, and even certain colleges, enforce a hair length policy which prohibits both male and female hair from hitting a certain length. South Korea regulates hair length, but not nearly to the point of North Korea.  Since 2005 in North Korea, men and women have been dragged off the streets and into police stations for wearing hair too long or too unkept. Once a woman graduates from any school that enforces “anti-grunge-legislation,” a woman is free to grow her hair out long. So, when encountering an asian with long hair that is not tied, it’s almost a given that they are in their 20s to early 30s. Now, it is at this point that most of these women settle down with families. Kids love to pull hair, so naturally, the women begin tying their hair up to keep away from grabbing hands. These women are usually in their 30s and 40s. Around 50-55 something big happens, the years of childcare, worrying about their childrens’ grades, and the kabuki-level usage of make-up products takes effect and the women become the small Yoda-looking women that go to Disneyland wearing the sun-visors that look like welding masks. So, to wrap up, Mom, I know it can be confusing up to a certain point, but hopefully all I’ve written will help in the future. If not, here is another info-graphic that explains it equally well:

I think I could pull off the asian grandma look.

Your doting and informational son,

Jordan

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About Jordan Carver

I just love life, experiencing it all, and it is definitely better with more people participating. Whether it's surfing, rock climbing, or exploring the forests, it's always better to share the magic.

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