No One Is Going To War

A Rocket of North Korea

A Rocket of North Korea

Yes, of course there is a small possibility that I could be wrong, but I decided to write my opinion on why my mom can stop worrying about me being in Korea.

Let’s start off with size. The American media’s sensationalism is impressive, but a very important point to remember is that North Korea’s Nuclear development is far from finished. At this point, they are still working in kilotons, whereas America has been working in Megatons for over 50 years. That is to say, America is an ally to South Korea (and North Korea is aware), so if South Korea is attacked, then they have quite a big problem on their hands. North Korea is looking at a “whose *%$# is bigger” competition. Also, when I asked my friend Tess (who works in the rocket science industry) about North Korea being a threat, she laughed at me…so, that is calming. I guess that mimics what Conan O’brien’s crack team of investigators in North Korea showed us the other night.

Second up is money. The two powers currently in control are the Kim family in North Korea and the Park family in South Korea. Both of these families are dynastic families who go back as far as Korea itself. Both families are living VERY comfortable lives. Everytime I think of the Kim family, all I can think about is Napolean from Animal Farm; everyone is equal in Communism, except for the pig at the top wearing fine clothing and smoking cigars. That is to say, the Kim family is way too comfortable hating American capitalism while hypocritically taking advantage of every capitalist luxury possible. I mean, if North Korea bombs South Korea or America, then I’m pretty sure his purchases of Nike are going to end. Oh, and his new friendship with Dennis Rodman will probably end too.

Last, we need to talk about bully etiquette. Anyone who has ever been a teacher, had siblings, or dealt with a bully know one thing. Threats are much different than actions. Last week, North Korea announced that it was lifting the ceasefire and that the war would resume. That is a threat, and a threat needs to be backed up by action or it loses credibility. Yesterday, North Korea announced that it would be lifting the ceasefire…wait, am I having deja vu? That’s like me telling my younger brother that I’m not going to invite him to my birthday party if he doesn’t let me play the video game. “Hey South Korea, I’m about THIS close (holds up thumb and index finger) to attacking you right now. I MEAN it.”

In the end, North Korea doesn’t have enough firepower to take on South Korea and its allies, they are too comfortable in their luxurious lifestyle, and they are making continuous empty threats. So, don’t worry, South Korea is safe. The only way this war is going to happen is if South Korea gets sick of North Korea’s bull%*#^ and pre-emptively strikes.

Totally Safe in Daejeon,



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About Jordan Carver

I just love life, experiencing it all, and it is definitely better with more people participating. Whether it's surfing, rock climbing, or exploring the forests, it's always better to share the magic.

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